Do You Take Your Own Advice?

I'm going to let you in on a secret. I know many therapists (including myself) who have been in the middle of putting things in perspective for a client, even giving direct advice, and simultaneously thinking, "Wow-- I could really apply that to my own life." As counselors, as friends, as partners and parents, things often seem so much clearer from an outside perspective. When we're in an emotionally high-stakes situation, we are less able to get in touch with the logical side of things and do what we would often advise others to do. 

I think there's another reason we ignore our own advice, though. Often people have a double-standard for themselves, based in a belief that they are less deserving, worthy, or capable than others. We can all scoff at the hypocrisy of someone whose double-standard is based in narcissism and entitlement, but we often forget that there can be a double-standard based in shame.  I often ask people, "If you had a close friend or a child who was going through what you're going through, how would you talk to them? What would you say to encourage them?" Unfortunately, the answer to that question is usually very different from the shaming, demeaning language they've been using towards (and about) themselves (or the bad treatment they've been willing to put up with from others). It's so important to stop using the double standard, as soon as possible. It only leads to more shame, to unhealthy patterns, and even to the occasional bad tattoo...